The First Year as a Twin Parent: An Incomplete Guide
- The Twintellectuals
- Oct 7
- 9 min read
Updated: Oct 17
We won’t lie - you may not remember much about the first year with your twins. You will be tired, there are constant lifestyle adjustments, you may be managing those babies solo sooner than you expect, and did we mention you'll be tired? You will definitely spend copious amounts of time staring at those adorable little faces, thinking about how amazing they are. Just take plenty of pictures and videos to serve as a proxy for actual memories (which apparently are not formed because, you guessed it, you will be really tired).
So you aren’t going to remember this, admittedly pivotal, year in a lot of detail. Which is a very good reason not to sweat the small stuff, by the way. But here are some things unique to the first year and ways to set yourself up for success.
Deliver at a hospital with a NICU
This is more of a Day One thing, but if something happens during the course of your pregnancy or during the delivery, this ensures the babies will be close to a neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) and you will be close to the babies.
Health insurance
Insurance covers mom and the babies all the way through birth. After that, the babies need to be added to your plan. That means while mom is recovering from the birth and everyone is trying to get settled in at home, someone needs to call the insurance company. Go ahead and delegate this. There will likely be extra trips to the pediatrician in the first few weeks, so give this task to someone who can take care of it ASAP. Out-of-pocket fees for two babies every few days adds up quickly.
Prepare for extra trips to the pediatrician
Even with optimal outcomes, you’ll probably see the pediatrician more than a singleton would in those first few weeks. The most common reason is it is not unusual for twins to be low-birthweight (under 5lb 8oz). This means a little extra monitoring in the early days to check the rate of weight gain. Some insurance plans will cover a visiting nurse to come to your home to weigh babies and check vitals.
Use the breastfeeding consultant insurance benefit (or a post-partum doula)
Check to see if your insurance plan covers the cost of home visits by a breastfeeding consultant. If you plan to breastfeed, definitely take advantage of them. Please ignore your well-meaning friend who says breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world, therefore women don’t need any help with it. More babies means more demand on your body so it is helpful to have the support of experts. You may need credible advice on ways to increase your milk supply, different ideas for tandem feeding, or simply some reassurance that the babies are drinking enough. They also help with strategies for pumping while breastfeeding.
If you want to level up, a post-partum doula also has this expertise plus looks after mom to make sure she is healing, rested and hydrated; helps with family bonding (including support with siblings); and does light housework.
Go for the hospital-grade breast pump
If you are breastfeeding, make your life easier and rent a hospital-grade breast pump for the first one or two (or three) months. It is faster and more reliable. If you are breastfeeding and pumping for two, efficiency is paramount. After those first few weeks, the babies are eating more so they can go longer between feedings. Then the typical breast pump is fine. Plus, between it and the hospital-grade pump, it is possible to build up a supply of milk to freeze so you can still offer breastmilk after you stop lactating.
Visit your obstetrician
The babies have lots of visits to the pediatrician, but don’t shortchange your health. When you visit your obstetrician for a post-partum checkup at around three weeks, block off plenty of time and go without distractions (i.e., by yourself or with another adult if you need extra support). It is very likely this will be the first time in many weeks someone (including you) will be focused solely on you. This is the time for a standard post-partum depression screening and to ask questions about your recovery.
Keep the babies in sync
Life will be far less complicated if your babies eat, sleep and play at the same time. This is not to say you must be ruled by the clock, with meals, naps and outings at the same time every day. But if one baby eats, plays and sleeps while the other sleeps, eats and plays, you will not only never be finished preparing or cleaning up food, but you will also never get a break. It may seem counterintuitive to coax your infants into a schedule, but those adaptable little suckers will ultimately thrive with a consistent routine.
Protect your sleep
Ok, you will get a LOT less sleep. The sleep you do get will come in small intervals that don’t actually make you feel rested. But please do sleep when you can. Forget the laundry or prepping dinner – if those babies are asleep, you lay down too. There are enough clean clothes around and you can always eat cereal for dinner. You will already not get enough sleep, so don’t miss opportunities when you have them. Self-care includes having a babysitter come over so you can get four solid hours of sleep, or a night nurse to cover overnight feedings a few days a week. If doing it for yourself isn’t reason enough, you must rest to take optimal care of your babies. Chronic fatigue will exacerbate all the physical and emotional resettling that is already happening post-partum.
Find your stroller personality
Strollers are so expensive, and people can get really precious about them. I mean, I get it. It's suddenly your biggest statement accessory. But it really needs to work for you. Do you need sturdy and maneuverable? Or is your priority to have something lighter and easier to fold? We started out with two: a tandem stroller and a double jogging stroller someone gave us. Later, I went through a couple of lightweight umbrella strollers for traveling (which I also got second hand and are fine for travel but not great for everyday because they get heavy with two kids). Then, when the stroller became less of a daily thing and could be put away occasionally, we finished our stroller phase in a side-by-side with an easy, compact fold.
Get outside
Find the stroller that works for you because you need to get outside. Leave the house, soak up some vitamin D and see normal people doing normal people things. It is too easy to get tunnel vision and forget the world is still happening around you. If nothing else, do it to perfect your routine for getting everyone ready to leave the house on time.
Accept help and hire help
If you have a partner, you are starting your parenting life in a two-on-two situation (or you’re suddenly outnumbered if you have an older child), whereas everyone else gets to ease their way in to parenting life with more adults in the room than crying babies. Extra hands will make a difference.
Hire a babysitter when they are infants so you can spend uninterrupted time with your partner or friends (seriously, infants are the easiest version of your children to babysit!). If it is remotely possible to have a night nurse for even a couple of nights a week, do it. If someone is coming over, the price of admission is to pick up a few groceries for you. I do not know a single person who would turn down the opportunity to fold tiny, freshly laundered onesies for you while they hang out to catch you up on the latest office gossip/social media trend/night out they had. Let them! This is how people get invested in your new family.
Maintain boundaries
People pleasers will need to practice saying these in the mirror right now: “No.” “Not right now.” “Another time.” A neighbor’s wish to come visit the babies and critique your way of doing things does not supersede your need for quiet. A grandparent’s desire to come stay in your house for an indefinite period of time should not supplant your need for quiet and privacy. If you are going back to work, you do not have to sign up for, or be guilted into, being on a work committee or planning team for something that isn’t core to your job. You have just taken on a lot of unpaid physical, mental and emotional labor as a new parent. You don’t need to be doing it in your relationships and work life too.
Sleep hygiene
From the very beginning, do for your babies what you do for yourself: have a consistent nighttime routine. An hour or so before bed, turn down the lights, keep the room quiet, have a warm bath, change into pajamas, have dinner, get all cozy in a burrito blanket and lay down in bed. Do this for your babies at the same time every night, even when it doesn’t feel like bedtime because they’re waking up hungry at 11 p.m., 2 a.m. and 5 a.m. In four or six months when they can drink the equivalent of a whole bottle of milk at dinner, they’ll be in relaxation mode and ready to sleep until morning.
Prepare for the tedium
The first year is amazing, but it doesn’t qualify as exciting. There is a whole lot of eat-sleep-play-repeat and not a lot of variety. Looking back at my own photos and videos, we appear to have spent most of our time in one particular room listening to music and looking at books. The same music and the same books. These days are tedious, and it is ok for you to think that. Those babies are doing a heroic job of growing and creating new neural pathways every day, but that does not mean you can’t think doing the same things over and over isn’t incredibly boring. Occasionally, you may not change out of your pajamas (if that is what you need that day), or you may spread out a blanket at the park and look at the books there for a change of scenery. Listen to an audiobook or podcast or call a friend while washing bottles to break up the day. It doesn’t last forever – and this is decidedly NOT a moment where we tell you “be grateful because you will miss these days!” Being bored out of your mind by tedious tasks does not mean you aren’t grateful or are “missing” anything. You’re there, doing the boring stuff so, by definition, you aren’t missing a thing. Just know that time will pass, phases will come and go and they will eventually be on to new things, each baby doing them in slightly different ways and on slightly different timelines, just to keep you on your toes.
Filter the outside world
Your bandwidth is maxed out. You cannot pay attention to as many ancillary things as you did before. If your social media feed is full of things that get you wound up, it may be time to shake things up and reset the algorithm. Is the news stressing you out? It is ok to take a break from active news consumption for a few months as you acclimate to having two new children. You are no longer available to be the dumping ground for your work colleague or family member who constantly complains. Simplify to give yourself mental and emotional space.
Self care
This time can feel very isolating. It may take longer for you to be ready and/or able to take the babies to library story time, go to meet a friend, or just get out of the cave that the nursery can become. It is hard to make plans and, when you do, it can be hard to keep them. Some friends and family will be flexible and go with the flow. Some may disappear, but don’t worry about them. You’re doing your best, and truly important people in life always end up coming back.
Your world is reforming. The people and places you knew before have not abandoned you, they are shifting to open up new parts of themselves, the same as you. Take extra special care of yourself as best you can. Sleep is essential, but so is getting the occasional massage or taking a long walk all by yourself. Keep trying to reschedule that coffee date with a friend that gets pushed off because of a bad night of sleep or when the babysitter falls through. Let yourself take breaks and figure out what things you will do just for you. Outings, hobbies and schedules may not be what they once were, but that doesn’t mean they have to stop entirely. Experiment and adapt, a little at a time; it is worth the effort.
You may not remember every detail of the first year, but if you can look back on this time and have good, warm feelings, that is a win.
Author’s Note:This post reflects our personal pregnancy experiences and is shared for informational and storytelling purposes only. It is not intended as medical advice and should not replace guidance from your health care professionals. Health matters during pregnancy — especially twin pregnancies — can and will vary widely. Always consult your healthcare provider when you have questions or concerns regarding your pregnancy.
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